Monday, November 22, 2010

‘A Day In The Life’ Of The Code Wars On The Roar

Note: This was submitted for The Roar but was rejected due to inflammatory nature of it. It was an understandable decision even though I tried to make fun of both sides equally.

This is a summary of the World Cup bid controversy over the last year. No more need to read the comments section of The Roar’s World Cup article ever again.

Association Football Fan: If we win the World Cup, this will be a big boost to the game. Football will finally dominate the sporting landscape and challenge the AFL in terms of popularity. It will be the day when Australia will become a Football nation and we will be telling you “I told you so” to all the people who doubted us. All the other handball codes will slide into obscurity as we will join the rest of the world in becoming a football nation. After all football is popular therefore it must be the best game in the world. Only Football can bring the world together united by one game. It’s a great way to learn about other cultures and have a broader perspective on the world. After all, there’s so much we can learn about a culture just by watching their Football team play.

Aussie Rules Fan 1: Yeah right, soccer is a minority sport in this country only played by immigrants and kids with overprotective mothers and will remain this way irrespective if the World Cup bid was won. When the kid grows up and stops clinging to their teats of their mother they will grow out of soccer and play real manly games like Australian Football. Once the World Cup circus is over, people will go back and follow their code of football. It’s simply not part of Australian culture. Using taxpayer’s money to assist a foreign game in these World Cup bids who are competitor of local products like Aussie Rules is simply unAustralian.  So stop your cultural cringe by following the McDonalds of sport and support the superior local products. After all, the game is Australian and therefore must be the best game in the world.

Association Football Fan: Haha typical racist myopic insular response from an AFL fan. I can “smell the fear” from them as when the World Cup arrives in Australia they will see how the importance and popularity of the World Game will dwarf over the insignificant sport only played by one country. Why else would AFL fans comment on a Football bid, unless they fear the imminent demise of their game due to the threat of the World Cup bid. Is AFL so boring and produce so little excitement and issue that you rather comment on a Football thread then discuss your own game that you claim to like?

(Meanwhile in an Aussie Rules thread)

Association Football Fan: AFL is a joke because of grand final replay/poaching players from Rugby League/three strikes policy/scandals/allegation of tanking etc

(Back to the World Cup bid)

Association Football Fan: Even though AFL is an insignificant sport, if we lose the bid it is because the AFL has sabotage it

Aussie Rules Fan 1: How has it sabotage it? AFL had contractual leases to the MCG and Etihad Stadium. If FFA wanted to use those stadiums in the World Cup then surely AFL should be able to name their price to allow FFA and FIFA to have access to it. Why should we give away our assets to our competitors without compensation?

Rugby League Fan: Hey, this World Cup bid is going to affect us too.

(Both sets of fan ignores the Rugby League Fan)

Association Football Fan: Because it’s for the good of this country. This World Cup bid will bring out numerous economic benefits to Australia in terms to boost of infrastructure and influx of tourism. It’s a goldmine for our economy and our future prosperity. It should be expected to sacrifice yourself for the greater good of this country. After all that’s what Chinese government would expect if they were hosting the World Cup.

Aussie Rules Fan 1: The proposed economic effect is incredibly dubious

(This is followed by lengthy debates about the economic benefits of the World Cup with both sides posting up economic reports to support their stance and debates over the independence of the report)

Aussie Rules Fan 1: Really they should call this the Soccer World Cup if it’s hosted here in Australia. After all the rest of the world should call the name Soccer in Australia to respect our culture as to describe Association Football as Football is very offensive to us Aussies.

Association Football Fan: Don’t be daft, the game is called Football and not soccer. After all the rest of the world calls the game Football and we used our foot more in this game whilst other codes used their hands more. Only we can call the game Football, the other codes should call it Handball.

Aussie Rules Fan 1: This is Australia not the rest of the World. In Australia, majority of the population call the game soccer and when they say football they are referring to either Aussie rules or Rugby codes depending on what state you are from. By calling Association Football, Football you’re adding confusion to the Australian language. After all, once I accidentally went to watch an A-league game because I thought it was an Aussie Rules game. If Soccer Australian didn’t change their name and start branding the game Football, I would have never have had that confusion.

(This starts a lengthy debate about the origins of the word Soccer, the prevalence of soccer in English speaking nations, how goals can only be scored of the foot in AFL etc)

Aussie Rules Fan 2: Hey I don’t support this World Cup bid as well as it is a waste of money.

Association Football Fan: Shut up Aussie Rules Fan 1. Why are you changing your avatar? After all it’s impossible for you to be another person as there’s only one person in this world who oppose the World Cup bid.

Naïve Person: Hey stop fighting guys. All codes can coexist and live together in harmony. We all want the same thing which is to promote physical activity and reduce obesity and it’s health related problems in Australia. If we work together then we can finally win the war against obesity and physical inactivity. Sherrin and Jabulani can go together in harmony

Both Sets Of Fan: Shut up!

1 comment:

  1. Seemed an accurate description until the last bit. Once someone says something sensible that thread normally dies :)